I'm not ashamed to admit that my almost four-year old daughter just gave up her pacifier. Yesterday.
It's true that I have practically ignored my three children for five months straight to pursue my dream of publishing a book. But I was hoping that by watching me achieve my biggest life goal, my kids would also learn an indispensable thing or two in the process.
Parenting scares the stuffing out of me. It’s not because I’m afraid I can’t do it well (I can) or because it’s just plain hard (it is). My seemingly never-ending list of morbid parenting fears is courtesy of too many Law & Order Special Victims Unit reruns and twisted nightly news teases watched in my prior life. Not to mention Children of the Corn.
If you’ve noticed it’s been a little quiet around here, it’s for good reason. I spent much of the month of August back East, at the Jersey Shore, where I reunited with friends and family for a mostly relaxing, sometimes raucous two week vacation.
If you start when they’re young enough, it turns out you can pretty much scare your kids into behaving any way you wish. Now I’m not talking about intimidating them physically. Corporal punishment just isn’t my thing.
But I’m totally in favor of messing with their malleable little minds.
So if you’re anything like me, and you’re looking for ways to stop tantrums dead in their tracks, try using this trusty all ages guide:
My daughter was a certified nursing junkie when she was a baby, until the day she abruptly quit at just ten months old.
I had to travel for a weekend work trip. So I packed my breastpump, dutifully turning myself into a human dairy cow every few hours, to be sure I kept up my milk supply.
Before my daughter, Lilah, began preschool in September, the school sent us a list of required items and asked us to include them in an emergency kit.
If God forbid Lilah ever sees the contents of her kit, it will mean the worst case scenario has occurred.
For the past four weeks I’ve been telling you about the steps I’ve been taking to physically and mentally prepare to kick ass on my six day cycling adventure through California Wine Country with WomanTours.
It’s time for the Science Fair again and that can only mean one thing … moms and dads everywhere just aged an entire year in only one week.
I’ll never forget seeing Andrew Dice Clay’s big greaseball mug strutting across our home television screen. Or the fact that my family awkwardly watched his raunchy stand-up comedy routine together. I’m sure my parents didn’t intend to let us see it. But once I stumbled upon the scene, I would be damned if I was going to plug my ears or leave the room.
Preschools are the ultimate germ factories. Which means if your kid’s school is anything like my daughter’s, not only are you bringing home a shit ton of pesky preschool germs, you can also count on receiving approximately 4000 Health Notices per week.