Recipes

 

Jill’s Green Smoothie

This is the perfect “starter” green smoothie for kids. The mango and banana make it nice and sweet, and the spinach, unlike kale or chard, doesn’t have that bitter flavor that makes some little people want to hurl.

Ingredients
1/2 banana
1/4 cup frozen mango
1/2 cup water or milk substitute (such has soy, almond, coconut)
1 cup of spinach, well packed
A big squeeze of lime juice (optional)

Instructions
1) Toss all ingredients into the Blender and mix until nice and smooth.

Makes 1 serving

 


Easy Energy Balls

You can officially ditch those cringe worthy munchies you’ve been tossing into your purse. Ten free minutes is all it takes to make homemade energy balls that will keep you fueled for hours.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup old fashioned oats
  • 1 cup pitted dates (about 12)
  • 2/3 cup almond butter
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
  • 1/2 cup ground flax seed
  • 1/2 cup chocolate chips or cacao nibs (optional)
  • 2 tablespoons honey or agave
  • 1 tablespoon chia seeds
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon sea salt

Instructions

  1. Throw that shit in a food processor and pulse until it looks well mixed. (If you don’t have a food processor, or if you’re too lazy to clean it, omit the dates and instead add an additional 1/4 cup of honey or agave. Stir all the ingredients together in a medium bowl until thoroughly mixed.)
  2. Roll into balls about 1” in diameter.
  3. Freeze for 30 minutes.
  4. Taste one – what the hell are you waiting for?
  5. Store whatever you don’t scarf down in an airtight container and keep refrigerated for up to 1 week, or freeze for longer.

Badass Banana Soft Serve

Ingredients
2 really ripe bananas

Instructions
Prepare your bananas for freezing: Slice those sons of bitches into coin size pieces and then freeze them in an airtight container or ziplock bag for at least two hours (or preferably overnight).

Blend the shit out of those bananas: Once frozen, toss the banana pieces into your blender or food processor, whirl them up for a minute or two until nice and creamy and— voila!— instant banana soft serve.

Serve it up:  Scoop that luscious goodness into a bowl. Top with some coconut flakes, peanuts, dark chocolate chips or other classic sundae toppings.

You can also fancy up your base by adding almond butter, honey, cinnamon, berries, maple syrup, vanilla extract or cocoa powder to the bananas before blending – just about anything goes!

Discover more ways to get pleasure from a frozen banana.

 


Tropical Dream Smoothie

For a smoothie worthy of doubling as a date-night dessert, try my Tropical Dream recipe:


Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of coconut milk
  • 1 peeled and frozen (slightly thawed) banana
  • 1/4 cup frozen pineapple
  • 1/4 cup frozen mango
  • 1/4 cup orange juice
  • Toss in a hearty splash of rum while you’re at it (optional)

Instructions:

  • Place all the ingredients in your blender and mix until smooth
  • Bottoms up!

Learn 2 more ways to get pleasure from a frozen banana.

 


How to Hard Boil the Perfect Egg

 

Any idiot can learn how to hard boil the perfect egg. Here’s how:

  1. Get an egg (just in case it wasn’t obvious enough).
  2. Get a pot.
  3. Fill the pot with cold water.
  4. Place the egg into the pot.
  5. Bring the water to a rapid boil for 1 minute. You do know how to boil water right?
  6. Remove the pot from the stove, cover and let sit for 10 minutes.
  7. Remove the egg from the pot with a slotted spoon. Immediately place into a bowl of ice water.

BONUS TIP: Add a splash of vinegar to your water to make it easier to peel the eggs


Chocolate Covered Banana Bites

 

Don’t buy the boxed chocolate-covered bananas the lame-ass moms get from the grocery store. You’re better than that. Or at least you’re trying. Instead of serving up that loveless shit, try pouring your heart into making your own homemade chocolate covered bananas.

Ingredients:
2 really ripe bananas
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
1 TB refined coconut oil
Toppings of your choice

Instructions:
Freeze your bananas: Cut bananas into 1 inch pieces and place them on a parchment lined baking sheet. Lovingly ram a popsicle stick into each piece.* Next, freeze the banana pieces for at least 2 hours.

Get your shit together: In the meantime, prepare some smaller bowls with the toppings of your choice. Chopped peanuts and coconut flakes are my go-to’s, but the sky’s the limit.

Melt the chocolate: Once the banana slices are frozen go ahead and carefully melt 1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips and 1TB coconut oil in a small saucepan over low heat.

Dip those bitches: Now on to the the messy part. Take your frozen banana pieces and carefully dunk one at a time into the melted chocolate, allowing any excess chocolate to drizzle off. Then gently dip the banana piece into your topping bowl and coat it before transferring it to the parchment paper.

Whatever’s not immediately scarfed down can be stored in an airtight container in the freezer. Don’t forget to wipe the chocolate off your face, along with the shame.

*If you don’t want to use popsicle sticks, just cut your banana pieces into 1/2 inch slices instead. Take your frozen banana slices and, using two forks, carefully dunk one at a time into the melted chocolate, allowing any excess chocolate to drizzle off.

Discover more ways to get pleasure from a frozen banana.